One of 8 Million Reasons Why I Love My Vocal Coach

Notes from a recent one-on-one session:

The Divine is you.

Nothing societal.

Coming from a construct = follower. producer. gear. in service of society.

The preditors find you.

The users.

The indifferent.

They love you when you’re convenient.

 

In this life…

freedom.

Transmutation.

Own the peace.

Affirm it to the universe.

The root of the vibration you wish to contribute to the universe.

Tend your garden.

Don’t be afraid to snip where necessary.

Release yourself of the guilt

of letting someone go.

Let them become soil that nourishes us all.

 

Valleys and peaks.

In the valleys is where you will find God.

Lady Dior Moscow

cuz who doesn’t love sand art and fashion?

 

 

Dream Visit

Last night I awoke in the middle of the night feeling restless. Probably because I had fallen asleep at 6pm the night before. I went to the kitchen to grab a snack, then started watching SNL on Hulu while laying on the couch, where I eventually fell asleep. I felt a presence of a man sitting down on the couch next to me. In my dreams I opened my eyes and somewhat recognized this figure, but then closed my eyes again. But the presence was so strong it actually woke me up. I felt a hand on my neck, then this figure leaning in close to me, as though wanting to kiss me. I opened my eyes suddenly and I felt this presence vanish. I was freaked out. I realized it might’ve been Taj.

 

I turned off hulu then went to bed. I told Taj if he wanted to see me, to come to me in my dreams, cuz I can’t handle an actually presence in my waking life. I’d be too scared.

 

Lo and behold, he came to me. In my dream. I had some big interview for some creative position as on camera talent. And then, I was coming back into Brooklyn with the intention of going swiming at a pool in my  old neighborhood. Our old neighborhood. He met me in the city and we rode a cab together into Brooklyn. I had lots of luggage with e as though I was coming from put of town. It all felt so ordinary. We sat in the back of the cab, laughing and talking and being cute. I’m trying to recall the conversations…

We got to the place where the pool was. It was supposed to be some sort of youth club like the Boys and Girls club or something, or a YMCA. But in actuality it looked a lot like a house. And in the dream, it was identical in form to his house (not his actual house, but his dream house – and not the same dream house from a few weeks ago – a different dream house) and right next door. But the club was closed, so we couldn’t go swimming. But since he was right next door to his home, he decided to get out and go home, keeping me in the cab to go to my home. He handed me fifty dollars in crumpled bills to pay for the cab. We kissed and then he was gone.

What I could recall most in the dream were his clothes. He was dressed very much like how he would normally be dressed. Backpack. denim. A little scruffy. Right before falling asleep I remembered details of his face, but in the dream his face was somewhat hidden.

We’re coming up on the one-year anniversary of his passing. I’ve been calling to him quite a bit lately. And perhaps he’s also calling out. It’s such a mystery…

 

 

unconditional

I believe someone can love me through this
I believe in this kind of love
Unconditional

That’s the love I learned by loving Tajeme.
So I know it’s possible

Interesting. Comical. A great character study.

Forever Young V

Eddie Murphy. Sidney Poitier. Bill Cosby. Richard Pryor.
via http://blipsters.tumblr.com

Dream Visits Vol ???

It’s a bit foggy – but I think I had a dream with Taj in it last night. He lived in some apartment in Queens, right off some highway.

What I remember most is that during my dream, I decided while on a journey someplace to walk by his apartment in Queens, much like how I would walk by his apartment in Brooklyn while he was still alive, with an anticipation and a hope that maybe I might catch him walking in or out, or get a glimpse of some activity through his window. I know, I know. Stalk much? In my defense, his BK apartment was perfectly nestled inbetween the subway and my house, so I walked by it naturally anyway.

So anyway, back to dreamland… walk by where this apartment would be in my dream version o Queens. And I feel in my heart that familiar joy in anticipation. A bit sneaky and excited to just brush by the memory again. Maybe call him when I’m right outside. But as I walked up to where this apartment would be, the apartments that were there looked nothing like what I had remembered. And slowly it all became clear – he never lived here. That was just a dream (within a dream). In my dream, I had to let go of the fantasy that I would once again have even a feeling of hope around seeing him again. In my dream I had hope that he was alive. That he never died.

 

The thing is, I can’t exactly remember the dream in which he lived in that apartment. I wonder if I ever had that dream, or if in the dream all I had were memories and hope. I once again feel him comforting me now, though. As though he’s perhaps paying a visit. it’s just…it’s been awhile. I’ve let him go. Haven’t seen his face in my dreams for months.

We’re approaching a string of anniversaries. New Year’s Eve is the one year anniversary of when we last saw each other. We had an incredible time together, so full of love and anticipation for a new year ahead of us filled with love and adventure. He helped me put together my vision board.

January 10th…well, that’s the anniversary of when he left this Earth.

 

Reminding myself now, that separation is the greatest illusion.