Last night I awoke in the middle of the night feeling restless. Probably because I had fallen asleep at 6pm the night before. I went to the kitchen to grab a snack, then started watching SNL on Hulu while laying on the couch, where I eventually fell asleep. I felt a presence of a man sitting down on the couch next to me. In my dreams I opened my eyes and somewhat recognized this figure, but then closed my eyes again. But the presence was so strong it actually woke me up. I felt a hand on my neck, then this figure leaning in close to me, as though wanting to kiss me. I opened my eyes suddenly and I felt this presence vanish. I was freaked out. I realized it might’ve been Taj.
I turned off hulu then went to bed. I told Taj if he wanted to see me, to come to me in my dreams, cuz I can’t handle an actually presence in my waking life. I’d be too scared.
Lo and behold, he came to me. In my dream. I had some big interview for some creative position as on camera talent. And then, I was coming back into Brooklyn with the intention of going swiming at a pool in my old neighborhood. Our old neighborhood. He met me in the city and we rode a cab together into Brooklyn. I had lots of luggage with e as though I was coming from put of town. It all felt so ordinary. We sat in the back of the cab, laughing and talking and being cute. I’m trying to recall the conversations…
We got to the place where the pool was. It was supposed to be some sort of youth club like the Boys and Girls club or something, or a YMCA. But in actuality it looked a lot like a house. And in the dream, it was identical in form to his house (not his actual house, but his dream house – and not the same dream house from a few weeks ago – a different dream house) and right next door. But the club was closed, so we couldn’t go swimming. But since he was right next door to his home, he decided to get out and go home, keeping me in the cab to go to my home. He handed me fifty dollars in crumpled bills to pay for the cab. We kissed and then he was gone.
What I could recall most in the dream were his clothes. He was dressed very much like how he would normally be dressed. Backpack. denim. A little scruffy. Right before falling asleep I remembered details of his face, but in the dream his face was somewhat hidden.
We’re coming up on the one-year anniversary of his passing. I’ve been calling to him quite a bit lately. And perhaps he’s also calling out. It’s such a mystery…
