Whats Left of a Life Pt. III

If these sidewalks could talk…
Would they weep?
Would they be still?

I never knew you – and it seems I never will.

The Carters: Love Makes You Look Good

I’ve just gotta mention the beaming light that is J and B. Yes, yes, I know. They’re rich. They’re talented. Driven. Famous. They spend a lot of money on all the products and services one can imagine to look as good as they do. But since their nuptials, I must say, they’ve upped their glow.

Questions for My Mom’s Surgeon

The surgery has been bumped up from June 9th to this Saturday, May 30th. I’m getting my questions ready…

1. it is a discectomy, right?
2. does she have cauda equina syndrome?
3. will you be making the entry from the back or the front of her neck? (traditionally, the surgery is done from the back)
4. how do you expect her to recover? since she has had significant weakness, do you suspect she has a higher risk of recurrent disc herniation?
(on average there is about a 10 – 15% chance of recurrent disc herniation)
5. will this be an endoscopic microdiscectomy (use of special instruments and a camera to remove the herniated disc through very small incisions) or a traditional open discectomy? Why?

Funny…over the weekend, after escaping the emergency room in search of the upstairs room that would house my mom since she had been confirmed “admitted”, I was asked by one of the nurses on the 4th floor…”are you a nurse?”
“No,” I responded.
“You just walked up here to look for her bed?”
“Yes. We’ve been waiting in the emergency room for more than 6 hours.”

—

Seven hours in the emergency room hallway and finally…her room is ready. Sheesh. I’m learning how to move things along at the hospital…as a renegade. My Mama created a monster!

Dreams

One of my new favorite films, the communally directed “I’ve Been Twelve Forever” is all about the work, life and philosophy of Michel Gondry (one of my heroes of video). He refers very often to his dreams. He remembers them vividly and draws upon them candidly in many of his works. It seems he never gave up trying to dismantle them. The feelings he recalls from dreams he had as a child haunt follow him still today. In this excerpt from the film, he has this to say (clip does not feature his actual voice, but these are his words verbatim, I’m assuming its a legal youtube-y kind of detail):

I have been thinking a lot about this theory these past couple of nights as I wade in the shallow end of the dreamspace. You see, I’m a dreamer. My dreams are vivid and real. I can feel, hear, taste, and maybe even smell in my dreams. And the things I see… My dreams are so adventurous. Sometimes they’re really scary. Other times, they are such amazing but small exchanges I long for in my waking life. A few years ago, I discovered in my memory all these wild excursions that I had no recollection of ever having happened – but emotionally they seemed so real, these memories. They had to have happened. I thought…were these movies I saw? No, they were dreams. I felt a longing for the type of travel and adventure that I’ve come to know in my dreams that I was not finding in my waking life.

In dreamspace I have so many magical moments. My brother and I have often met in dreams. We’ve shared the same dream on the same night on several occasions. Or, one of us will dream something that is physically happening to the other at that same moment. My dear friend and former boyfriend told me once that his mother told him that she had spoken with me recently. She wanted to know some information about her son, so she contacted me and we had a discussion. Now, I knew in my awake life I hadn’t seen or spoken to or even e-mailed this woman in many years. But that night as I lay my head to the pillow…it all came back to me. I had had a conversation with her, about her son – in dreamspace. All the memories came rushing back in. (She’s very skilled and experienced in this type of travel and communication).

I remember as a child, always waking up in the middle of the night to sleep inbetween my parents in their bed. I did this until I was quite a big child. I did the same with my grandparents when I’d spend summers at their house in North Carolina. Eventually I grew out of it and slept in my own bed…although my sister was never very far, in her own bed a few feet away in the same room.

I remember going away to college.. Grown. It was all so new and exciting. I made friends and slowly adjusted to my new surroundings. I hadn’t really realized the significance of what I’m about to say until very recently: it was then, as a freshman in college that I realized I didn’t like to sleep alone. I found a buddy, a guy. He lived in my dorm. And almost every night I would tip-toe from my room down to his, to sleep next to him. We were best friends. And he was such a gentleman – though he later told me that he once stole a kiss from me as I slept!
As the years went on, I moved out of the dorms and into the neighborhood as a housemate to friends of mine. One semester I lived by myself in a studio apartment – I’ve never been so miserable. Even now, I have roommates. At age 29.

It seems quite simple: I don’t care to live alone. Moreover, I really prefer not to have to sleep alone and wake up alone. Sharing a bed may have helped “keep the structure of the family across the millennia” according to Monsieur Gondry.

Bon nuit.

A Great Day to be Born

I got a call at 6:30 this morning from a then pregnant Luchana. They were on their way to the hospital. I sent out prayers, affirmations and positive thoughts and solicited more of the same via txt messages, facebook and twitter. And, at 9:17am on Tuesday, May 19th 2009, Renee Doris Marie Caviness was born.

On this day 84 years ago, baby Malcolm Little was born and would grow to be El Hajj Malik Shabazz, better known as Malcolm X. He would stand for the freedom of many, to be remembered, studied, loved and revered.

Below is a video sent on twitter by @zaheerali of a secret audio recording of Brother Malcolm meeting with a couple of members of the FBI. They really tried to insult his intelligence. You have to listen to it. The nerve! Proof that the brother was committed. Unwavering. Steady. Reliable. Worthy.

Happy Malcolm X Day. And welcome to the world, Baby Renee!

Grandpa R.I.P. / Woe is me (??)

Today marks three years since the passing of my grandfather Charles DeWitt Jones. I know just about every girl loves her Grandpa, but he seriously was my favorite person. I used to say that even when he was still living. In his last year he came with me to a hardcore show to see Cipher perform. Yes, ladies and gentlemen – my grandfather brought the mosh at age 85.

Here’s to you, Grandpa. I hope heaven’s hollering today!

…on another note…my birthday is tomorrow. I’ll be 29. My bday is preceded by two consecutive days of remembrance: Biggie died March 9th, my Grandpa died March 10th, and then there’s March 11th – my birthday. A celebration of life? A roller coaster of emotions? Just another day? This is just life – my life. Gotta live it day-by-day…

Chanel Break

While in the library researching, I had to stop and gaze adoringly at the wonderful world of Chanel in a book by the same name. Aaaahhh. What a breath of fresh air. I’ve been craving Chanel lately. I’ll have to figure out a way to adorn myself with my first piece of Chanel sometime real soon…
As for now: